So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
