im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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