a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
we have pet lesbian snakes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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