Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
