Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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