i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
