I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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