Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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