She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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