I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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