saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
