Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Who did Billy Mays play for?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
