6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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