He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dick very happy bro
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
