She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
