jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
