i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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