I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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