I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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