Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
