im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
