The maid of honor just puked.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
