And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
