Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
