I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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