my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
