apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
