Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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