3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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