So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
