i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
