bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
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