are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
