You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
