Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize