And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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