the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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