Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
