i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
