remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
