did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
