Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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