and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
