AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Im just a social blackout drinker.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
