Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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