I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize