just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
