Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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