why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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