Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
