Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
