i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
