It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
