it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
