I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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