Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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