The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
God, I missed his penis.
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