I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
