I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
