Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
