you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
