someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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