TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he had hair everywhere except his balls
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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