if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
