I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
