I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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