His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
