Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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