your thong is hanging out like whoa
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
