quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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